I know you’re supposed to get the Christmas cake made a good two months in advance so you can feed it with lots of brandy (I fully approve of that part) but it isn’t that easy to find fruit cake ingredients around here.  Sure there are tiny packets of currents for an exorbitant cost in the supermarket, ditto raisins but as far as good big sultanas are concerned, forget it.  Ditto mixed peel.  I kept thinking I must make a visit to the English shop in Eymet but it’s an hour’s drive away and I couldn’t justify the petrol.  So I decided to wait until I went to England and could stock up, OK the cake would only be made three weeks before Christmas but if I gave it enough brandy surely it would marinate nicely and give an entirely new meaning to Tipsy Cake.   Or was that the original one?

The cake got made this morning, has had its first hefty baptism of brandy and is peacefully sozzling away.  It’ll probably be delicious, brandy with a little added cake, but while I was religiously washing all the dried fruit and then drying it so it wouldn’t sink to the bottom I couldn’t help thinking that this recipe passed on to me by my friend Myra would have been altogether much easier.

Mandy and Glynn’s Vodka Christmas Cake

1 bottle Vodka,
1 cup sugar,
1 tsp. baking powder,
1 cup water,
1 tsp. salt ,
1 cup brown sugar,
Lemon juice,
4 large eggs,
Nuts, 1……
2 cups dried fruit.

Sample a cup of vodka to check the quality.
Take a large bowl,
Check the vodka again to be sure it is of highest quality then repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar,
Beat again at this point,
It is best to make sure the vodka is still ok, try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixer thingy.
Break 2 eegs and add to bowl
Chuck in the cup of dried fruit. pick the fruit up off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a time trying to count it.
Mix on the turner. if the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it looses with a drewscriver
Sample the vodka to test for tosisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt or something.
Check the vodka.
Now shit shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts,
Add one table. add a spoon of sugar , or somefink. whatever you can find.
Greash the oven. turn the tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Dont forget to beat off the turner. f
Throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the vodka and
Wipe the counter with the cat,

I'm sure he'd like to be useful...

I’m sure he’d like to be useful…